Now I wonder how Whatsername has been
by Trepotter
Summary: Harry can't bear to be without who he believed to be his one true love. Will he ever find it again? Let me "warn" you that this isn't traditionally a Harry/Ginny fic. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ/REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter walked into the Gryffindor common room, his head down to hide the streaks of tears that ran down his cheeks. He didn't want to talk to anyone right at that moment, not even Ron and Hermione. He just needed to be alone. Harry had been so overcome with grief and emotion, he had even contemplated leaving Hogwarts and returning to the Dursley's house at Privet Drive, just to avoid ever having to pass her in the hall way or have to sit near her in classes. Harry sat on the end of his four poster bed. He looked over at his trunk and Hedwig's cage and ran through countless ideas in his mind. He could runaway and stay at... at Grimwald Place! No, no… she'd be there too. He couldn't go to the Burrow… not anymore. There was no use trying to tell Hermione and Ron what had happened. It would only be a matter of minutes before they found out and Ron would be bounding up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. Harry looked over at the picture that lay on his bed. There she was. To him she was completely perfect in everyway, and you could tell by the way he was holding her. It reminded Harry of the picture of his mother and father. This made him feel even worse. Just as he had buried his face in his pillows, he heard the door of the dormitory open.

"Harry?"


	2. Chapter 2

Ron ventured closer to Harry's bed, careful not to disturb him or make any noise. "Harry… There's no use locking yourself up in here forever, mate. You're going to have to face her sooner or later." Harry didn't reply. He was just waiting for Ron to lose it and start lecturing him about breaking hearts. Harry smirked. He wasn't the one doing the heart breaking, but he was sure that it had come off that way. "It's almost tea time, you coming?" Harry barely looked up at Ron as he grunted a muffled yes. As he heard Ron shuffling out the door, he slowly rose into a seated position on his bed. He felt like crying again but he didn't want her to see. He'd go into the Great Hall and pretend like it had never happened, maybe flirt with some of the excitable first year Ravenclaw's and… no that wasn't him. He shoved on his black robes as he tried to get his mind off of the previous events of the day. Maybe he'd go visit Hagrid, on his own after he'd eaten. That is if he could eat without wanting to be sick. Harry began to walk out of the dormitory into the common room. Everyone had left for the Great Hall except Hermione, who was just finishing a three rolls of parchment long essay for Professor Snape. She looked up while dipping her quill in some more ink. "Harry… is everything alright?" Harry felt like saying no and going on a rant of how his life seemed pointless at that moment, but he decided on saying, "Yeah… Everything's fine. Are you coming down for tea?" Hermione nodded just as she concluded her essay.  
As they exited through the portrait hole, Harry felt a slight twinge in his stomach. He could picture her, confiding in somebody like Lavender Brown, barely touching her food. And as he would enter, she would be unable to control herself. He would try to smile politely but would desperately want to hold her again. But as it turns out, this wasn't exactly the case.

Harry followed Hermione through the huge wooden doors of the Great Hall and to the Gryffindor table. He sat down next to Ron and Dean Thomas and heard a huge burst of laughter from across the table. He looked down to see what was going on and saw Fred and George Weasley playing a very loud game of Exploding Snap. There next to them was- "Ginny! You made me lose again!" Fred exclaimed. Ginny Weasley, the only girl in her family of nine, was laughing along with the twins with a very happy look on her face. You wouldn't have guessed that barely an hour ago she was crying and telling Harry that she had had enough. Ron looked at Harry uncomfortably. He had always had some doubts about Ginny being with his best mate, but he knew that Harry would take care of her… Ron began to wonder whether it was right to trust Harry with his little sister. Harry, his gaze still transfixed on Ginny, whispered to Ron in a barely audible voice. "It wasn't my fault you know…" Ron shifted in his seat.  
"I know. But you have to move on, Harry. Don't you remember Cho Chang?"  
"She wasn't like… like Ginny." Saying her name made Harry feel sick again. Ron didn't say any more, knowing that Harry needed to be left alone. _If Harry can face You-Know-Who he can certainly deal with breaking up… can't he?_ Ron thought.

Harry had escaped to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom where no one would find him. Luckily, there was not sign of Myrtle herself, so he was free to bring back up his lunch, and then his breakfast. Harry had never imagined feeling like this. Sure he had been in excruciating pain before, but his heart had never longed for a warm pair of arms to be wrapped around his waist, and a gentle voice to soothe his mind. Harry bent over the sink once more, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were puffy from crying and his skin pale from being sick. His skinny body was shaking under its own weight. Harry felt tightness in his chest as he struggled to continue breathing. His legs gave way and fell to the floor, knocking his head on the sink.  
It was a terrible sight that Hermione and Ron had just happened to stumble upon.


	3. Chapter 3

_Is he going to be alright?  
__Its nothing a simple potion can fix, He'll be up and around in no time._

Harry's eyes fluttered open. Above him, he saw the anxious faces of Ron and Hermione. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but before he could breathe a word, Madam Pomfrey was pouring an awful tasting potion down his throat. Harry gagged as he drank the last of it.  
"Oh, come on, boy! It's not like we're re-growing your bones again."  
Harry took a gulp of water from the jug sitting next to him. He felt awful.  
Hermione pulled Harry into a tight squeeze, while Ron patted him on the back.  
"You looked a right mess last night, Harry. Lucky we found you, hey?" Ron said.  
"Did… Did I pass out? I don't… well I don't remember much."  
Hermione gave him a look of concern, "Harry, are you sure everything is all right? I mean, after what happened with…" Hermione gulped, "Ginny."  
Harry sighed. He had forgotten about the night before. She looked so happy, playing with her brothers, not a care in the world. Not even a care for Harry.  
Harry felt the prickle of tears in his eyes. He didn't want to cry again, but he couldn't control the steady stream that was now flowing, silently down his cheeks. Ron and Hermione held Harry close, comforting him as he sobbed.

"Harry? Oh, Harry!"  
Harry gasped. He felt dizzy again. Why was Ginny here? What did she care if Harry was in the hospital wing, suffering a broken heart?  
Harry turned his body slightly away from her, avoiding her gaze.  
"What happened? Are you alright? Harry, talk to me…"  
Hermione and Ron both thought it would be best to leave them alone, "Sort it all out," as Ron had said. Ginny sat on the end of the bed, minding that she didn't touch him.  
He wanted to yell at her, tell her about all the pain she was causing him. But he didn't. Harry wanted her to be hurting too.  
"Harry. Look at me. I know that you're probably not too happy with me at the moment," Harry let out a scoff, "But… I just want you to know that… I was wondering if… we could still be friends." Harry didn't know what to say. He had known Ginny for a while now, and she was Ron's sister. It would have been hard to ignore her.  
Harry sighed. "I don't know, Ginny… Honestly, I won't be able to bear it if you bring some… some bloke around all the time."  
Ginny lowered her head, as if she was ashamed. She had nothing left to say, and nor did Harry. She left the hospital wing, almost running, with tears shining down her cheeks.

The next morning, Harry was able to leave the hospital wing. He was feeling better than he had the night that he had collasped in the bathroom, but was still thinking about Ginny. Hermione had stopped him on the way to breakfast that morning.  
"She's really upset, Harry..."  
"Really now? She didn't look it the other night. I'm sure by this afternoon she will have found somebody else...  
Hermione frowned at Harry, dissaprovingly. "Oh, Harry! People break up all the time. Did you really think that she would stay around forever?"  
He couldn't take it anymore. Harry strode away from Hermione, almost knocking her over as he left. He didn't want anyone, not even his best friends, that he didn't have a chance with Ginny.

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**People are reading my story! Thanks guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the next chapter!! **

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It was almost the Christmas holidays at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall was just coming around to collect the names of the students that would be staying at school for Christmas. Harry, Ron and Hermione all went to sign their names, followed by Fred and George Weasley. Harry sat back down and looked across the Gryffindor common room. He was finding it easier to ignore or at least be civil with Ginny. Though he didn't talk to her much anymore, they weren't fighting and he could deal with having to see her everyday. Just as Harry started to get on with his homework, he saw that Ginny was now talking to Professor McGonagall. He hadn't noticed her going to sign the form to say she was staying. "I don't see what the problem is, Miss Weasley. You've always stayed at Hogwarts with your brothers. Why not this year?"  
"Professor, I just want to go home. Besides…you remember Bill? He's, um, coming home this Christmas and I—haven't seen him in a while." Harry knew she was lying. Bill, the oldest of the Weasleys, wasn't coming home for Christmas, otherwise Ron would have told him. He realised that she wanted to go home because of him.  
"Alright, Miss Weasley. Stay safe on your holidays." Professor McGonagall left the common room through the portrait hole.  
Ron had also overheard Ginny and Professor McGonagall talking and went over to talk to her. "What's with you going home for the holidays? Bill's not coming home, is he?" Ron began to reel out more questions for Ginny, but she was preoccupied and didn't hear a word her brother said. She was looking over at Dean Thomas. He was chatting and laughing with Seamus Finnigan. She still stole the occasional smile from him and she often fantasised about their first meeting.  
She did miss talking to him a lot. Maybe she'd write to him on the holidays.

"Really, Potter… You think you would have learned by now… Just like your father." Professor Snape snarled as he took 20 points from Gryffindor. It was a double potions lesson and Snape was being as painfully boring as ever. Even though it was the last class before everyone went on their Christmas break, Professor Snape was making everyone work just as hard as they would have in the middle of exams.  
"Look at Malfoy… Oh, I bet he's enjoying this…" Ron said under his breath so that Snape couldn't hear. Draco Malfoy sat at his bench, cutting up his ingredients for his potion with a smug grin on his pale face. He just loved it when Gryffindor lost house points, especially when Harry or Ron was at fault. Finally, the bell rang and everybody left in a hurry. "I thought that lesson would never end! How long must Snape drone on for…" Ron stopped. He saw a sight that could have made him be sick. There was his little sister, Ginny, sitting on the railing of the staircase leading up to Gryffindor Tower, snogging the face off of Dean Thomas.


	5. Chapter 5

**This ones a bit short and uneventful... **

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Harry couldn't believe what he had seen. Ginny was propped up on the railing with Dean Thomas. Ron had immediately approached the pair, absolutely furious. Harry, though, had fled from the site, not wanting Ginny to know that he had seen her. As Harry stormed down the corridors, he noticed the familiar twinge in his stomach. _No, no, not again…_ Harry fell to his knees, trying to grasp a hold of the stairs to keep himself from falling over. His stomach lurched. After that he saw nothing… no one.

Harry soon woke to the sound of Madam Pomfrey and Hermione's voices, discussing his state. "Honestly, Granger, you should take more care for your friends! He obviously hasn't been well since last time…"  
"But, surely he couldn't have still been ill. He was fine morning!"  
Harry opened his eyes, he saw Hermione standing over him looking at Madam Pomfrey with anger in her eyes. "She's right…" Harry gulped. "I actually feel a lot better--''  
"Don't be a fool, Potter! How many times have I had you in my hospital wing? I would need at least two hands to count your visits up here! Now, drink this! Go one, the whole lot." Harry was then forcing down that horrible potion that he had taken before. It made him feel worse than he had after being sick. Again, Harry gulped down some water following the potion and looked at Hermione. She was obviously very worried about him, and Ron must have been as well, he thought, considering that Ron was nowhere to be seen. "Ugh, that's awful… Where's Ron?" Hermione sighed.  
"Well… after he had gone off at Dean for… you know… Ginny told Ron about how… how you had done the same thing to her and that you would have probably 'be sucking the face off some star struck fan right now'." Harry stared at Hermione, breathless and without words. Could Ginny had really said those things about him? _Why_ would she say those things about him? His expression of bewilderment turned into anger. "What was she on about?! I saw them her and Dean and just left!" Hermione flinched as Harry raised his voice and then continued. "But Harry… the thing is that Ron believed her. And that's why he's not here." Harry had found himself resenting Ginny, Ron and Dean. Especially Ginny. How dare she lie about him? How could she have any idea of what he was doing while she was with Dean? Harry got up, ignoring Madam Pomfrey's orders to get back into bed, and left the hospital wing.


	6. Chapter 6

Ron was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, finishing off some homework for Transfiguration, though he kept having to start over after he repeatedly kept ripping the parchment with his quill. Ron was quite upset that evening after what he had heard about Harry. He knew that Harry would never be one to seek attention, but his sister, Ginny, never really lied. It's all his fault, Ron thought; Ginny would never ever lie to me… especially about my mate… or who I thought was my mate…  
Ron angrily finished off his homework (despite the many holes in the parchment) and packed his books away. He sank back in his usual chair by the fire. Looking into the warm, orange flame, Ron began to wonder… What if Harry had done more awful things to Ginny when they were together? What if Harry lost his temper one day, pulled out his wand and… no, no, no… Harry was a good person, wasn't he?  
Ron grew tired of confusing himself and had started to make his way up to his dormitory when the portrait hole had burst open.

Harry rushed over to Ron and held his wand to his best friend's throat.  
"Harry, I-I…" Ron began to squirm as a crowd of Gryffindors formed around them in a circle.  
"You! How dare you! How dare you, Ron! You know perfectly well who I am! You know I would never, NEVER DO SUCH THINGS!"  
As everyone watched, Ginny made her way through the crowd to find out what was going on. "And you believed her! That whore of a sister of yours!" Ginny gasped, which caught Harry's attention. He turned her and saw the tears forming around her eyes again. But he didn't care. He had done his nights of crying himself to sleep… now it was her turn.  
"Harry! Please don't!! Don't touch him!" Ginny cried.  
"EXPELLIAMOUS!" Harry flew back against some seventh years, who caught his arms before he bowled them over. Professor McGonagall had broken up the fight at last. Ginny held Ron tight, as they watch the fire in Harry's eyes be smothered by McGonagall's glare. "Potter! Why did you pull your wand out on Weasley?! You know there's to be no duelling in common rooms!!" Harry couldn't speak. He had only just processed what was going on and what he had done. "Professor… I don't…"  
"Come with me! The rest of you, go back to whatever you were doing! Do not cause a another scene…"

Harry followed Professor McGonagall through the dark corridors and to a statue guarding a spiral staircase. Dumbledore's office. Harry gulped. He felt more scared of Dumbledore than he had been in his first year at that moment. He was going to be expelled. That was it. He'd had too many chances and he had finally crossed the line.  
"Chocolate Frog." As McGonagall had said the words, the statue turned to let them up the staircase into Dumbledore's office. Harry felt sick again. But he wasn't going to pass out… not in front of Albus Dumbledore.

Harry stepped through the door, but Professor McGonagall didn't follow him. He was left alone, again, with Dumbledore.  
"Harry please… sit down…"  
Harry turned around. Dumbledore was standing right behind him and gestured toward the chair in front of the large wooden desk in the middle of the room. "Lemon Drop? No? Well, I'll have one! Never have I ever turned down a Lemon Drop! They have huge bags of these down at Honeydukes…" Harry shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Dumbledore always seemed so relaxed almost every time they had met.  
"Professor… I'm really, really sorry about before. I didn't even know what I was doing… I just… Do you think this is another thing I have with Voldemort, sir?"  
"Harry, my boy. To fly off the broomstick handle every once in a while is normal. Sometimes we might just lose the plot…"  
"But sir, I couldn't control myself… Hermione had…"  
Dumbledore smiled a faint smile at Harry. "I heard what had happened… gossip travels very fast in this castle… especially with having Lavender Brown's mouth around."  
Harry felt his cheeks get hot. Having Dumbledore know about his teenage love life was a little nerve racking. "You mustn't let it bother you, Harry. These things happen. But your behaviour tonight is certainly something I wouldn't have expected of you…" Dumbledore's expression dimmed a bit, "But, I do think that you need to take a break from Hogwarts…"  
Harry's throat became dry and he started to sweat. He was expelled. He was never coming back to Hogwarts… his home…  
"I think, just for the Christmas break… you should maybe stay with your Godfather. I'm sure he'd love to have you, and everyone else in the order would be glad to see you…"  
Harry thought of Sirius, his Godfather, at Christmas without him. He realised that he should spend more time with him. He was, after all, the only family Harry had left, other than the Dursley's, which he didn't really count them as family.

Harry left Dumbledore's office that night a lot later than he had expected. He returned to his dormitory and quietly headed toward his bed beside the window. He looked over at Ron, who was sleeping soundly. He would be leaving tomorrow, a lot earlier than anyone else, and probably wouldn't be able to say goodbye. Harry scribbled down a note for Ron to read when he woke up the next morning.

_Ron,  
__I'm not staying for the holidays. I'm going to Grimwald Place to have Christmas with Sirius .Dumbledore says it's for the best. I'm really sorry about tonight.  
__I couldn't really control myself.  
__What Ginny said about me isn't true. You know I was walking with you then. But when I saw her and Dean… I couldn't just stay and watch, I had to get away. I hope you all have a great holiday and take care of Ginny, I know now that she'll probably be staying now. Tell her that I'm sorry. _

_Harry. _

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** I really love this chapter. And yes, Sirius is still alive for the purpose of the story. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Haven't updated this one in a while so.. here**

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The air felt cool on Harry's face. He was standing in front of a row of houses that all looked exactly like each other. He could see through one of the living room windows and saw a muggle man preparing himself for work at some sort of office job. His tie was hanging untied from his neck and his shirt unbuttoned. It still amazed Harry of how unaware muggles were, considering the walls of their homes moved every time someone wanted to enter number 12. Before Harry had a chance to make his way inside, he heard an odd noise that sounded like a dog barking. He turned around. Standing out the front of the muggle man's house was a large black dog, wagging its tail excitedly. It ran up towards Harry, but in mid stride, turned into a man. It was Sirius Black.  
"Harry! Come here!" Sirius pulled Harry into a tight squeeze. "You look more and more like your father everyday… except your eyes…"  
Harry rolled them and smiled at his godfather. "Yeah, like my mothers… I know."  
"Come, let's go inside…"

As Harry walked under the doorway, side by side with Sirius, he felt at home for the first time in weeks. He knew only good could come from this. Harry entered the kitchen to find Remus Lupin, his old Defence Against the Dark Arts and Sirius' best friend, sitting at the table reading the Daily Prophet. He looked up at Harry and smiled. "Hello, Harry! It's going to be great having you here for Christmas. Everyone's coming…" Lupin reeled off a list of people who would be in the Black home for Christmas. Harry looked around the kitchen. It looked as though Sirius had finally gotten himself a good house elf, but he knew that none other than Mrs Weasley would have been able to clean out the dusty old kitchen.  
"Harry, why don't we get your trunk upstairs?" Sirius said, interrupting his best friend's long list of names Harry, and maybe even Sirius, had never heard of.

Harry followed his Godfather up the creaky staircase into one of the many bedrooms on the top floor. In the room was a long wooden desk, a couple of birch chairs and a long, wide bed. Harry sat down the bed, but almost sunk into the mattress. Sirius chuckled and sat down coolly next to him. "I know it was on Dumbledore's orders, Harry… but thank you for coming."  
Harry smiled at him in reply, "Do you think I'll be able to go back after to school after the holidays? I mean, after what I did…" Harry shuddered to think about what might happen of he started getting angry and upset again like he had when he lashed out at Ron.  
"Of course, Harry. Dumbledore wouldn't want for you to miss school just because of a little drama. He knows that you'd never be threat to the students or the school."  
Harry knew this was right. He would be going back to school after the Christmas break and, hopefully, everything will be alright again.


	8. Chapter 8

This is quite short, haven't updated in a while

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"Wake up, Harry! It's Christmas!"  
Harry, who was barely awake, was being pulled from his bed and had his glasses shoved forcefully onto his face.  
After almost tripping down the stairs and falling into the kitchen, Harry took a seat at the table, finally able to wake up properly.

As his eyes came to focus, Harry spied a paper wrapped parcel sitting in front of him.  
"Sirius, you didn't have to get me anything…" Harry mumbled, looking down at his hands and then at his godfather's tired face.  
"Don't be silly, Harry! Go ahead, open it."  
Harry ripped open the paper, to discover a new Quitdich book. His face immediately lit up as he ran a hand over the cover. "This is great! I've been wanted this for ages! I'd always have a flick through it when I was at Hogsmeade with… Ron and Hermione."  
Harry's voice trailed off and his smiled faded just as quickly. He had only just remembered his friends at Hogwarts. He really didn't think he could ever go back.

Sirius placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, "Don't let that spoil your Christmas, Harry. Enjoy yourself. You'll be back at school before you know it and I'm sure everything will be fine."  
Harry forced a smile back in reply, "What time is it? Everyone will be here soon."  
"Your right! Go and get yourself dressed, I'll clear this up," Sirius said, retrieving his wand from under his robes.

Harry sat on his bed, still looking at his Christmas present. He thought of what his friends would be doing at that moment; Ron would be going through his mother's packages of food and wearing his usual maroon jumper. Hermione would be joining him in the common room and giving him her gift that would be perfectly suited to him.  
"Maybe I could just send an owl…" Harry muttered to him self, getting up from the bed to lean on the window sill.

"Harry! Come down! Remus just got here!" Harry's thoughts of Hogwarts and his friends left him as he descended down the stairs, not giving a second thought about Ron and Hermione.


End file.
